Friday, November 30, 2012

The Girl With Hidden Ovaries and Ohhh My Grandma.

Good news! I don't have to go in tomorrow! :) I start the Ganirelix shot tomorrow morning and my E2 levels were 940 (they said that's good) so they upped my dosage of Follisim from 75 to 125. I'll go back on Sunday morning for another BD/US (for those of you noninfertiles, are you catching all the lingo yet? (; ) appt which has to be in the Scottsdale office since it's the weekend.

Not much to report with these visits, is there? Haha trying to keep everyone updated, I realize there's not much to say besides a couple of stats! So I guess I'll fill you in with a story I forgot to mention from my appointment on Monday.

Dr. A has a student dr who has been coming in and shadowing him for a little while. She was at my appt on Monday and I asked if she was going to do my ultrasound. Finding out she was, I gave her an empathetic smile and pre-apologized, she looked at Dr A and he told her I had some of the most difficult ovaries of all the patients. When I'm not on stims, they're near impossible to find. It's a little interesting laying spread eagle on the bed with stirrups with strangers having front row seats, but I've come to realize that comes with the territory, and I'm a pretty open person (no pun intended) that knows for drs, a body is a body. Anywhoo, with wand in hand, she searched and searched.. And searched but alas, she did not find my ovaries. Imagine having an ultrasoud wand take up a search warrent in your va-jay-jay... Yeah, not the most comfortable or enjoyable thing! Dr. A makes jokes about me taking them (my ovaries) out before my ultrasound to trick them. What can I say? I have incredible disappearing ovaries!
Dr. A took over (so by then I've been laying there being explored for a good ten minutes) and being the rock star he is, he found those suckers and counted up all my jewels. I apologized again to the lady dr student and said better luck next time.
She was there for my ultrasound yeaterday again and guess what! She found them! Granted, my ovaries are probably the size of lemons now so they take up more room, but I was happy they gave her a second chance!

Thats pretty much my story about my hidden ovaries. Like I said, nothing too exciting.

On a funnier note, my grandma has been coming to the appointments with me and today as we were waiting in silence for Dr. A to come in, my grandma busted up laughing out of nowhere and when I asked her what was so funny, she pointed and said "that dildo wand thing just standing like that right there!" Yes- my grandma called the ultrasound wand a dildo.. Hahaha oh grandma..

(photo credit goes to someone else I know going through fertility treatments- I haven't thought to snap a pic at my dr's office haha but they look pretty much the same.. Only we have pink jelly (; )

I Am Thankful: Days 29 & 30

Well this month is winding down! It has been great reflecting on my many blessings!

Day 29: I Am Thankful For... My Trials. I know it seems an odd thing to be thankful for, but I know that they shape us into the person we are supposed to be. I'm also thankful for MY trials specifically because I would rather have mine than take on someone else's. Batting infertility sucks, but losing a spouse or child or other family member, or dealing with an addiction, or other trials many face would be so hard to do. At times our trials may seem unbearable but we were placed at the bottom of these mountains with tools from a loving Heavenly Father to help us be able to climb up and conquer that mountain. Knowing He would not give us something we cannot handle, gives me peace and hope because it shows He has faith in me and knows my strength. That means I must actually be strong enough to overcome the trials I'm given, even if I don't always believe it myself.

And today, Day 30: I Am Thankful For... All of You! Our family, friends, and bloggers- for your support and prayers in this process. I can't say how much it means to me to have so many people sending up prayers on our behalf. I know prayers are answered and I'm hoping with so many coming, He will feel it's time to say "Yes!" instead of "not yet." Thank you for you're continued love and support in our life! We are truly grateful and so very blessed to have you!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Slow and Steady

Not much to report from todays appointment. My eggs are growing slowly, like the first time. My E2 level came back around 300, which is normal, so that's good. My dr said I'll probably have to up my meds (greeeeat!) for a couple days but things look slow as steady. Back again tomorrow and I'm hoping this weekend goes by quickly so Eric will be back and we can get this show on the road!

I'm so ready for my baby(ies)!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Save The Drama For Your Mama

So I went for my US/BD (ultrasound/blood draw) appt today and just as I suspected, I have to go in tomorrow and every day after that until we trigger. I guess I'm just one of those that's needs extra close monitoring! Today it looked as if I have around 10 or so eggs in the right ovary and 7 or so in the left. All of them are around 10mm which is slightly behind where he wants me I think, but only by a day.

Now the counting is a little tough to do accurately so they just use educational guesstimating (thats a word, right?) as far as they can see. The first time they thought I had about 10 in each and I ended up with 31 eggs retrieved so that number may just change. Hopefully we have 20ish or more, but we'll see!

On a mental health front, I feel crazy. I feel like crying all the time and just overly emotional about everything. I don't like feeling like this and I hope I snap out of it soon. Eric is going out of town for the weekend so I'll have to try and survive with him gone. I have a feeling I'll be a wreck the entire weekend..

I guess today is just one of those bad days. Tomorrow will be better- I just gotta shake off this dark cloud hovering around me and get back to myself! I really want to try to be stress free for this round to give us the best possible chance. I feel like I can't pray hard enough for this to work.

I'll fill you in on the eggies tomorrow.

I Am Thankful: Day 28

Day 28: I Am Thankful For... The fact that there's always tomorrow.

Today's just not my day.

(Blame the drama on my meds)

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

All Aboard The Crazy Train..

So I'm on day 4 of my shots and I have been feeling a little hormonal, tired, headachy, and irritable. Slightly more than I remember last time. I'm on a higher dose of meds, so that could be it. I also feel a little crazy. And I know I am starting to act a little crazy and irrational.. I can see it, I just can't help it sometimes! Here's a couple of examples of my medicine-induced-twin coming out:

The night before last, Presley (our 1 year old bulldog) was chewing on the blanket in her cage (which is almost a nightly routine for her) and it was annoying me so bad, so I yelled at her and made her get out of the cage and I took her blanket out and put her back in on the piece of plastic that covers the bottom. I have no idea what I was thinking because her moving around on the plastic is way noisier than her chewing on her blanket. I didn't want to switch it back and I was soo tired (even though it was only like 8:30) so I fell asleep. At 3 am, I woke up to the soud of her moving around again and I was so mad! I got up and took her outside and gave her food and came back upstairs. She started barking as soon as I was upstairs so I put her blanket back in her cage and went and got her from outside. She went right into her cage and back to sleep.. Unfortunately I couldn't fall back asleep so I just lay there, thinking of how ridiculous I was acting that night. I freaked out over nothing and just went a little ballistic at something so stupid. I apologized to Eric in the morning for being a maniac. Of course, he's used to it so he just said it was fine and he loved me. I love that man.

Then last night we were having Family Home Evening about having a positive attitude and not being negative so we can have a good feeling in our home. My dad selected me to participate in the object lesson. Basically, the object lesson is to say negative things to a person and then hold down their arms and try to have them lift them up and then tell them positive things and repeat. When a person is told negative things, their arms are weak, and when they are told positive things, they are much stronger. So my dad proceeded to tell me negative things like I'm messy and don't clean up the house and how
I made bad choices and I suck at this activity.. As he was saying all of these things to me, even though they weren't really mean or true, I just started crying. CRYING! I never cry! Like ever. I've cried only a handful of times in our entire marriage and there I was, just tearing up like a little nincompoop. Then when he started saying positive things like how I'm a beautiful daughter of God and my smile lights up a room and my bubbly personality is contagious, I just cried again! It was super lame and I felt like an idiot and punched my dad for picking me when I'm so hormonal.

I hope I don't get any worse haha. I'm already on the crazy train and we are just getting started! I am pre-apologizing to anyone I come in contact with over the next few weeks, for I am not quite myself:)

My tummy is looking more like a pin cushion and starting to bruise some, and I can literally feel my ovaries growing. It's kinda cool and not, at the same time. In about a week or so, my ovaries will be nearly the size of softballs- youch!

Also- I'm not an expert and linking with blogger on my phone (we still don't have Internet) but I wanted to give a shout out to two of my infertility blog friends! Kat at Trying To Make 3 and Amanda at Growing Griswolds both got great news for their Thanksgivings- they're both pregnant!! :) Couldn't be happier for them! Hopefully the positives come our way! ;)

I Am Thankful: Days 25, 26, & 27

Day 25: I Am Thankful For... The fact that we live so close to a lot of members in our family. For the most part, we can see family by driving no more than a few hours. It's so nice to have loved ones close! :)

Day 26: I Am Thankful For... The Big Comforter that Eric's mom made us for our wedding. (I attached a picture:) its super heavy and soo soft and the most comfy blanket ever!

Day 27: I Am Thankful For... The fact that I have overcome my fear of giving myself shots.. This whole thing would be so much more complicated and stressful if I didn't get over that and had to find someone to get me 4 shots a day.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Shoot Me!

Today's the day, folks! I started my stim shots! Woohoo!

My shot regimen is a little different this time around. The past 2 rounds have been very similar, only differing in doses. This time we added a new med and took one of the other ones away.

(I'm about to talk meds now- you can go ahead and skip this next part if you don't understand it or care about which meds I did last two times vs this time.)

Last 2 times: (long Lupron protocol) Birth Control pills for about a month then crossed to 10units of Lupron in the AM for about a week or so then I switched to 5units adding in 75units of Menopur in the AM and 150units Follistim in the PM. The Menopur and Follistim doses changed with each appointment depending on my E2 (estrogen) levels. I triggered with Novarel and then used Vivelle patches and got PIO (progesterone in oil) shots in the butt until negative blood tests.

This time: (antagonist protocol) no Lupron this time! Birth control for about 2 months, finished birth control and wait 5 days and stars stims (today!) with 75units Menopur and 75units Follistin in the AM and then repeated at night.. So 4 shots a day this time. This will continue for x amount of days (until my body is ready) and then add shot #5, Ganirelix- this is new! Until trigger shot, which will be Novarel again. (that'll be shot #6 that day!) After retrieval I'll start the Vivelle patches again as well as PIO shots in the butt again, but this time (hopefully!) until an ultrasound with a heartbeat(s)! :)

Sooo that's basically my shot cocktails for this round. I'm so excited and nervous but really hoping this will be it for us! 2013 should be our year! :) Hopefully Eric will have a birthday present of heartbeats on an ultrasound for his birthday in January! We would appreciate any prayers and good thoughts our way this month and hopefully good news will come in January! :)

I'll leave you with a picture of my first two pokes on my soon-to-be-pin-cushion belly and my first shot- cheers!

I Am Thankful: Days 16-24

Okay, okay.. My one post a day was short lived, what can I say? I was too busy being thankful all week in real life to post on here?

Alright- here we go:

Day 16: I Am Thankful For... Presley! She turned 1 this month! My little poopsie is so much fun and i totally love her:) She brings happiness to our little family and we really enjoy having her around! Happy birthday Pres!

Day 17: I Am Thankful For... Clean sheets. Love.them!

Day 18: I Am Thankful For... Temples! How amazing is it that we have the opportunity to have so many beautiful temples to attend and more being built so that everyone can have one closer! I absolutely love going to the temple and for the blessings I have received- especially eternal families :)

Day 19: I Am Thankful For... A Running Vehicle! Believe it or not, Eric and I have shared one vehicle for about 3 1/2 years, since we were engaged, and it has worked out really well, surprisingly. I am thankful for our cars we have had and that they have been reliable.

Day 20: I Am Thankful For... Music.

Day 21: I Am Thankful For... Family Gatherings. I love getting together with lots and lots of family!

Day 22: I Am Thankful For... Thanksgiving! How fortunate we are to have a day set aside to give thanks for the blessings we have. If only we would each remember to be that thankful for the rest of the year, since we are so very blessed:)

Day 23: I Am Thankful For... Arby's! Yum- need I say more?

Day 24: I Am Thankful For... Stacie Loo! My adorable niece.. I love her soooo much! I know I shouldn't play favorites, but I can't help it. She's my favorite kid ever! I get voicemails from her a few times a week, and every time it makes my day. :) Annnd today she is coming to see me! I'm so excited! I'll post some pictures so you can see just how adorable she is!

Whew.. I am grateful to be able reflect on my thankfulness, what are you thankful for?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

I Am Thankful: Day 15

Day 15: I Am Thankful For... Arizona weather! I am a ninny when it comes to being cold, so Arizona (well the valley anyway) has my kind of winter. Short and not too terribly cold. :) And it's only blisteringly, unbearably hot for 2-3 months out of the year and the other 9-10 months are great! :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I Am Thankful: Day 14

Bam! I'm on the right day with only ONE days worth of thanksgiving :)

Day 14: I Am Thankful For... My Talents! Wednesday nights are choreography nights for my moms show choir and so today I am grateful for the the talent for choreographing the Lord blessed me with. I may not be the best, but I do know it is considered one of my talents. :) I know if I don't show gratitude for and actually use my talents, they will be taken away. I may not have many, so I definitely want to try to keep the ones I do have! :)

Third Times The Charm?

I'm letting the cat outta the bag.. Are you ready for this?

IVF #3 is in the works. I'm not keeping it a secret this time and I'm hoping I don't regret it later haha.

Before I get started with the deets, I want everyone to know that I still have the same concerns with letting everyone know we're doing this, (ie I don't want everyone to know I'm pregnant as early as 5 weeks for multiple reasons, and I want to be able to share the news my way, and possibly surprise people) buuuut I do know how powerful prayer is, especially in numbers and I'm choosing to let that outweigh my selfish concerns. One other thing- I won't be posting results as soon as I get them as far as positive and negative, so don't assume me not saying anything means it worked. We've done it twice with no baby to show so the odds aren't exactly in our favor. The process is long and a little complicated and sometimes a positive blood test doesn't result in a pregnancy that lasts more than a couple weeks. So for that reason, we will be letting everyone know when we know there's actually a baby in there.. Which means waiting. If you are curious about the procedure and timelines of how everything happens, and the possible outcomes, research it- it's pretty interesting stuff! If you don't want to research it, read my "journey to baby" tab and/or stay tuned for my updates about what's happening during this cycle.

I'm excited, nervous and a little freaked out knowing everyone will know what's happening, but I also feel a peace knowing I'll have everyone's support. :)

Sooo... at the moment I'm on birth control pills.! Doesn't it seem a little odd to be on BC pills while TRYING to get pregnant? I thought so too, but the reason is so that the dr can control my ovulation and how many eggs I produce and when. Awesome, right? Like I said, its seriously interesting.. Not to mention miraculous! I've been taking them for about a month now, and I am finally finished with those nasty little buggars on Monday- Hallelujah! They make me a little crazy.. But all for a good cause!

Next up will be dr appointments, injectable meds, more appointments, more shots, and more shots and appointments haha. Sounds fun?

Unfortunately we're becoming pros at this. I'm just hoping third times the charm!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I Am Thankful: Days 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, & 13.

Holy cow I'm behind! Still no internet at our house. But rumor has it that it's coming Thanksgiving weekend. (Long story short: My grandma refuses to use any service besides Cox and our neighborhood is brand spankin new- like we were the SECOND people to move into the development- and Cox isn't established here or something since no one has it so we have to wait for them to hook up service for this area before they can get it to our house.. Which will be in a couple weeks.)

Anywho! This isn't supposed to be about complaints!

Day 8: I Am Thankful For... Jobs! So grateful for both mine and Eric's employment. We have both been very fortunate to have consistent employment even with switching jobs. I know many have experienced layoffs and not being able to find a job so I am very grateful for the work we have had since getting married.

Day 9: I Am Thankful For... Technology. It is absolutely incredible. We are able to broadcast meetings and conferences for church, we have cell phones to make a lot of things easier, I was able to get an education online, and there are so many advancements that happen everyday to help improve our lives. One of technologies I'm most grateful for right now is medical technology... Miraculous things are happening in medicine and I have gotten to experience some through our treatments. Seriously, look up In-Vitro Fertilization and see what happens behind the scenes. It is absolutely incredible! Hopefully soon this wonderful technology will help start our family. :)

Day 10: I Am Thankful For... Nature. God's creations that surround us are so beautiful. If you haven't experienced an Arizona sunset, put it on your bucket list. The earth is beautiful and we are all so lucky to live on it and experience the works of a loving Heavenly Father.

Day 11: I Am Thankful For... The Veterans! All of the wonderful men and women who selflessly serve our country so we may enjoy the freedoms we have.

Day 12: I Am Thankful For... Running water! Last night I was taking a hot bath and I couldn't help but think about how lucky I was to be able to take a bath when I want to. And a hot one at that. So many people need clean water to drink, let alone bathe in.

Day 13: I Am Thankful For... My Map on my phone! I know it may sound silly, but I have horrible sense of direction and if it weren't for the map I have on my iPhone, I swear I'd get lost nearly every day!

Whew! Sorry for the lack of posting, but it's so weird on my phone! I'll try to do better. :)

What are you thankful for?

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I Am Thankful: Days 6 & 7

Still no Internet at our new casa so I'm trying to do this on my phone without much luck!

Day 6: I Am Thankful For... Toilet paper. A completely necessary and wonderful invention. To whomever invented it, me and my hoo-ha thank you. :)

Day 7: I Am Thankful For... My senses. I can see, hear, smell, touch, and taste without even thinking about it. I can see the beautiful arizona sunsets and smell the air turning to fall. I can hear music, taste yummy food, and feel everything around me. I am fortunate enough to have been blessed with all of my sensory organs in tact and running, and for that, I am grateful :)

Monday, November 5, 2012

I Am Thankful: Days 3, 4, & 5

So I'm behind because we don't have Internet at the new house yet and Eric and I moved over on Saturday and have been staying there until everyone else comes over. It's been nice to have a couple days alone:) So today I get to write about 3 things I'm thankful for!

Day 3: I Am Thankful For... My relationship with Heavenly Father and my savior, Jesus Christ, my faith, the church, my testimony of the gospel, and the opportunity to live in a country where I have freedom of religion.

Day 4: I Am Thankful For... Our new house to live in so that everyone can have their own space and that my parents can have a nice house to live in long term. It is closer to work for Eric and has a beautiful kitchen that we can all gather in. I can't wait until Christmas to have everyone over and to fill this huge house with people I love so much.

Day 5: I Am Thankful For... Insurance. We have had the huge blessing of working with insurance companies through our employment that has allowed us to do fertility treatments that most insurances don't cover. It is becoming more and more rare to have fertility coverage through employer insurance and we have been so fortunate to have had the chance to do 3 IUI cycles and 2 IVF cycles with minimal out of pocket cost to us. For those 5 cycles, without insurance, we'd have to pay around $40,000. So I am very very Thankful for that huge blessing in our lives:)

Friday, November 2, 2012

I Am Thankful: Days 1 & 2

Okay, so I'm starting a day late, but what better chance to reflect on the things you have to be grateful for than the month of Thanksgiving. I have so many wonderful blessings in my life, so I want to participate in the thankful challenge many people do in November. I don't know if there is officially a thankful challenge, but a lot of people seem to be doing this. Since its only the 2nd, I figure its not too late to start-- and you can too! Just write about one thing you're grateful for on each day in November!

Day 1: I Am Thankful For.. my husband!
(I know, so surprising to be #1, right? :) )

I love this man more than anything in the world.
He is perfect for me and never ceases to tell me and show me how much he loves me.
Our marriage is so much more awesome than I even dreamed of when I was little.
Marrying him was the best and the easiest decision I've ever made.
I'm glad we have eternity because even that may not be long enough. :)

Day 2: I Am Thankful For... my family!
(okay, I'm getting the major ones done first. ;) )

My mom, dad, and sisters are the only pictures I listed, but I am grateful for all of my family.
My grandparents, parents, parent-in-laws, sisters, sister-in-laws, brother-in-laws, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, and those friends who are practically family as well.
I have been blessed with so many wonderful people in my life. 
My parents are amazing and such inspirations to me.
My sisters are my best friends and I wish we could live on the same street and raise our kids together.
I have the best family ever. Period. :)

Alright, your turn... What are you thankful for? :)