Now that the house has emptied of family and things are quieting down, there are not so many things to distract me from the truth of this failed cycle. I'm still doing alright, no major breakdowns but it still is sad. I want to be a mom so badly but it is obvious I have to wait on the Lord's timing. I know I did all I could have for it to work and it still didn't so I don't have any questions or regrets. So what now?
A new year is just around the corner. 2013 won't be baby year for us like we thought it would be, but we have so many other good things happening in our lives and so much to be thankful for! Although not in the way we thought or necessarily hoped and prayed for, we have been so blessed.
Here are some things I'm looking forward to (or hoping for) in 2013:
--Going on a 7-day cruise with friends to Contzumel Mexico, Jamaica, and the Cayman Islands in the end of April
--Our "State Trip" to Virginia
--Joining the gym with my mom
--Losing 15lb more before the cruise
--Running a 10k
--Starting nursing school (this will happen only if I get a spot for the Fall- hopefully I do! This one isn't in my control, I've already been on the wait list for 5 semesters- which is 2.5years!)
--Auditioning for Hairspray the Musical
--Auditioning for the Easter Pageant
--Taking a dance class
--Volunteer at a hospital
I'm ready to move on and focus on something else for a while. I've been pumped with drugs and hormones and meds for over a year now and I'm ready to have myself back. I feel as if my life has been on some sort if hold, waiting for baby and trying so hard to get pregnant. I'm ready to achieve something and actually DO something with my life and when the time comes for us to have the opportunity to try again down the road or end up pregnant on our own miraculously, I'll welcome it with open arms.. But for now, I'm closing this chapter and moving on to the next.
Bring on 2013.